Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
