On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
