Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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