he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
