wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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