my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
