Princesses don't give blow jobs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
