I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
