I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
