tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
