We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
