and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
