dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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