DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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