jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
