he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
