if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
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I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first