i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we're so committed to being not committed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
