dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??