We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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