Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
