soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
