He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
