Welp...herpes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
