Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
