I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
