Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
