Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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