ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
