My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
