wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
