Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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