I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
