i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
