Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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