Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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