She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
