Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
