So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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