Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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