i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How naked do you want me to be?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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