His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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