3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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