but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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