Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
