i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
