when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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