i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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