I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
