I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
