I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
