Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
