2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
