apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love having hate sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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