I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
