using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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