Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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