I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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