ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
