I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
