I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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