I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
