I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
