Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
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you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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