so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
