Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
