Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont even know how to be here
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
