the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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