Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
