How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I could have mohawked her pubes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
