I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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