Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
