Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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