Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
