look no pants
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My dick has a subreddit
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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