you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
