guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
