i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
